'In an ever changing world of gender, who knows what I'm going to end up being. But in the end, I want to morph into something I'm comfortable with.
Saturday, October 19, 2002
I AM A LOSER....
LOSER
LOSER
LOSER
LOSER
LOSER
LOSER
-bleah-
muttered @
11:55 PM.
-~Which SUNSET are you? (v.2)~- brought to you by Quizilla
-You are the good ol' classic sunset. Romantical and serene, you're genuine nature will guarentee you an incredible amount of pain in this life as you realize how many phony hypocrites are out there. Sooner or later you'll decide to stop hating them and start helping them. Don't expect anything, give your love without abandon and you will reap countless rewards. You are not greedy. Thank you for your flexibility and willingness to compromise. Yeah you can be stubborn, but for the most part, you're willing to hang loose. Know this...that no matter what,
you are loved.-
muttered @
11:28 PM.
just got that comment thingie from haloscan...
am wondering why i got it for.
no one's gonna comment anyway...
muttered @
10:38 PM.
.............................
am sick of sawing wood
...............................
dead tired
.............................
head still killing
............................
help
...........................
need love
...........................
muttered @
10:21 PM.
damn... there's something terribly wrong.. i can't edit my last entry..!!! wrote so much shit.. but not all came out.. and now i can't even delete it... argh
niwae.. shall continue on... scroll down to the entry before to find out what happened before.... hur...
was saying i felt like
shit....
was pulled out after sometime and i just sprawled on the ground... untile i got pulled up again and made to sit on a chair....
was even worse sitting down... started throwing up... smelled disgusting... looked gross.. saw bits of the mushroom swiss burger i had for din.. yuck.. fortunately tracy came along to help me, comfort me... felt slightly better after that.. decided to head home.. stood up.. walked a few steps and out came all that puke.. again... argh...
the cab driver had to lay piles of newspaper on the floor just in case i threw up... poor guy.. must have been aftraid that i would dirty his precious cab... niwae.. ran straight to the loo when i got home.. started puking.. yet again.. must haf been in there for at least 1 1/2 hours.. must haf fell asleep with my head stuck in the bowl for a while..
i am such a
loser
LOSER
muttered @
9:32 AM.
just got home.. went johor.. regret going... should have stayed home and slept.. am tired.. body is breaking... muscles are aching.. am having a bad, bad, very bad headache....
niwae.. had seafood for din.. pepper crabs, drunken prawns..some weird tasting steamed tom yam fish... asparagus with balachan.. -burp- feel like puking... ate too much.. tummy is as big as the moon.... yuck
talking bout drunken prawns just reminded me of what happened last nite.
Last evening 18 October 2002
left school for home at around 1800hrs. had to hail a cab to get home cos i was carrying a pile of wood and cardboard models... they were as heavy as 2 elephants.
took 45 minutes to choose clothes and bathe... then took another 15 minutes just to get hair to look alrite... then walked to the bustop.
bus ride was terrible.. jams everywhere.. irritated the shit out of me.
bus finally arrived opp. fep. got down and walked to find Jane and Brovick, called them but they didn't pick up their phone.. argh.. so went to find auntie Alice... tot they would be there.. but to no avail.. found out from auntie that they had gone to Lucky to play pool.. and jane had left her phone in auntie's shop... dammit... i was not going to walk to lucky... so went to poa to talk to ex colleagues... then after awhile Jill called.. said she was at fep too.. went to find her.. was with her until jane and brovick came... met Christabelle at ard 2045hrs. she wanted to pass me a photo... then met sarah at ard 2100hrs.. belle says she'll go mm too.....Okay..
Last night
left for mm with jill, her bestfriend(forgot her name.. again), sarah and belle.. but had to go to heeren first to meet sulin and cj... then took a bus to mm...
Alas! sulin and cj didn't get up the bus.. wtf.. dunno why we went to find them first.. when we reached mm.. found sulin and gang already seated comfortably.. bloody hell.. they reached before us.. hmmm? what the hell..
anyway.. spent the next hour drinking... thats when the drunken prawns thingie comes in.. surname is seah.. sounds like prawn in chinese, thus i became a drunken 'seah'.. - roll eyes-
saw tracy and yvonne.. argh.. still can't forgive yvonne.. how could she steal my phone...? i treated her as my close friend! idiot... so i happily chatted with tracy and pretended that yvonne was invisible..
drank a tad too much i guess.. started thinking bout all the shit events that happened over the past 2 weeks.. wanted to get onto the dance floor.. but started to feel really really extremely terrible.. feeling nausea... yuck... so just sat on the dancefloor while friends danced happily..
felt like
shit
memories started flashing.. couldn't control my dumb brain of thoughts... wanted so much to break down and cry.. but i held on.. i had to.. had to be strong..
finally friends pulled me out.. was sprawled on the ground for quite some time until they pulled me up again and made me sit down... felt like shit sitting down.. started puking.. vomit.. vomit vomit... yuck yuck yuck... ugh... smelled disgusting.. smelled of the mushroom swiss burger i had for din... eeeew....
fortunately, tracy was there to help me.. comfort me.. wouldn't know what i could have done without her.. maybe jump into the river or something.... after feeling a lil better... i decided to head home.. i stood up.. walked a few steps and out came all the puke.. again.. bleah...
tried really hard not to throw up in the cab... the uncle had laid out piles and piles of newspaper for me.. just in case.. hurhur.. closed my eyes real tight and tried to fall asleep.. when i finally reached home.. i ran up.. into the toilet and out came more puke.. think i was sitting on the toilet floor for more than 2 hours.. fell asleep with my head on the toilet seat...
sigh... i am
loser
muttered @
9:26 AM.
