'In an ever changing world of gender, who knows what I'm going to end up being. But in the end, I want to morph into something I'm comfortable with.

Friday, December 26, 2003  

fine. whatever.
i'm making matters worse by being kpo.
fine. i'm washing my hands off the both of you.

do whatever you please.
i'm not going to care.
i'm going to move on with my own life.
i'll eat my pills and leave you alone.
yes. i'm being childish too.

you should be happy now.
you've gotten all that i had.
quit the smirk.

muttered @ 9:52 PM.

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fuck. i blogged a whole ton and blogger screwed up.

maybe you should listen to both sides of the story before making assumptions.
maybe you're in the wrong.
maybe she's in the wrong.
and i admit that i've chipped in to create this mess too.
sometimes people interpret things wrongly.
sometimes things get twisted up along the way.
sometimes perhaps you've interpreted things wrongly too.
i admit i've done that too. countless times in fact.
you can't just listen to one person and believe whatever he/she says.
have you ever tried confronting the person.
maybe she's lying.
maybe she's not.
it's up to you to decide.
but isn't it better to hear it straight from her mouth instead of hearing it from someone else?
have you ever played that telephone game.
the messages always turn out wrong don't they?
its the same in this situation.
perhaps you don't know what is happening.
perhaps they don't know whats happening.
i don't know whats happening too.
don't just keep it all to yourself.
tell me and we'll probably clear things up.
the longer we keep this going on.
the bigger the matter will be.
you don't want this to blow even bigger right?
lets just settle this once and for all.
you can't trust what everyone says.
and sometimes your friends might not be your friends.
stay a little longer and you will see.
if they leave, they never considered you as a friend.
perhaps you were just a substitute for company.
sometimes people say things because they have your interests at heart.
they forget about how the other party feels.
sometimes they don't mean it.
people diss. but you can't stop them from doing so.
they can say whatever they want. freedom of speech.
but its up to you to decide who's wrong and who's right.
don't just flare up because of what you've heard.
maybe they never said anything of that sort.
maybe you took it the wrong way round.
i don't want to lose a friend because of you.
i'm sorry i can't forgive her like how i forgave her.
it's just really different. they are 2 very different people.
maybe after a while. i'll cool down.
but i'll never be close to her like how i'm close to her.
thats the way its gonna be.
as for you and her.
you don't know how it feels being stuck in between.
i need the both of you.
i hope that either one of you will lower your pride and talk things out.
the both of you mean alot. one of you even more.
but you're putting me in a very difficult position.
one is a good friend,
and the other is someone i love dearly.
i don't want to choose between the 2 of you.
and if you still treat me as a friend.
at least make the effort.
i need you around. i still want to be close to you.
please. make up.
thats my christmas wish this year.
do it for me please.
at least for my sake.
i wouldn't want to lose you. or you.
i'm really tired.
losing you was enough.
please don't make it any worse.

thanks to all those that have stood by me.
thanks to those that have told me not to give up hope.
i won't and i really appreciate it.
i know you guys have my interests at heart.
i know you guys don't like me looking so glum.
i'm sorry if i've disappointed some of you in one way or another.
but i'm staying.
i'm gonna follow my heart.
i'm sorry.
i don't want to lose her.
not again.
i hope u guys will support me.
i know you will.

muttered @ 3:15 AM.

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