'In an ever changing world of gender, who knows what I'm going to end up being. But in the end, I want to morph into something I'm comfortable with.

Sunday, March 07, 2004  

i love the love and the love loves me too.
haha.

.

Last night 3am,
I lay on the soft but damp grass,
And gazed at the star studded, black velvety sky.
The sun must have been doing her job,
For the moon was bright, round and full.
But however upon closer scrutiny,
I could see pockmarks all over him.
Perhaps nothing can ever be flawless.
We can only aim to be perfect.

I looked at the numerous stars,
all twinkling brightly in front of me.
I tried counting but failed.
The stars were countless and beautiful.
Just looking at them made me feel at ease.
I felt relaxed and comfortable.
I was dazzled.
I didn't have to shield my eyes like how I do whenever I look at the sun.

I never realised how beautiful the stars can be.
How they could make you feel so good.
All this while, I had been so into the sun.
I had forgotten that I had something else to turn to.
I thought about the pros and cons.

The stars are there for me during my darkest hours.(literally.)
The stars are not as bright as the sun, they just glow.
The stars are plentiful.
Shooting stars can grant wishes.
I don't have to wear shades when looking at the stars.

The sun sometimes emits rays that are much to strong.
The sun can make one hot and sticky.
The sun may cause skin cancer after prolong sun exposure.
The sun is too hot to handle.
The sun burns.
However, the sun can give me a nice brown golden tan if I know how to handle it well.
Though I never will learn how to.

I noticed this particular star,
Just slightly above the moon.
It was the brightest star.
It felt as if she was twinkling just for me.
Maybe she has been there for me all the while,
Staring down on me,
Hoping that one day I'll take notice of her.

I lay there for god knows how long,
Until the sky started turning orange and thick clouds formed.
Soon, I felt droplets of rain splashing down on me.
It was time for me to get shelter.
But where?

I wish I can be like the clouds.
Floating wherever the wind brings me to.
When he feels like it,
He'll send me to be with the stars.
or when he feels like it, to be with the sun.
I'll lend a helping hand when either of them are tired.
I'll come along and blanket myself around them, hugging them tight.
So that they can stop shining for a little while.
In this way, I can get a balance of both.

You can't have the best of both worlds.
That's what I said before.

I forgot that the sun is actually a star too.

muttered @ 7:57 PM.

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that was taken last week at marina.
cole and i look like little kids.
hurhurhur.

.

I lay on my roxy beach mat on the top for an hour and a half today,
and watched the clouds shift in the azure blue sky.
I stared at the white, soft cottony clouds,
wishing i could be as carefree and light. (haha, sounds like sanitary pads)
Once in a while the thick, dark clouds would roll over,
shielding my eyes away from the piercing sun.

I love the sun. I love the rays she emits.
I love the sun so much, I don't mind lying under her the entire day.
Whenever the dark clouds move and wrap the sun,
My heart sinks and I'll want to go back into the shelter of my own home.
However everytime i get up,
The sun peeks out again.
And i'll lie back onto my mat and enjoy my time with her,
knowing that she'll go away again.

Perhaps maybe I shouldn't love the sun that much.
She can never always be with me.
Everytime a dark cloud comes, she goes away.
When it leaves, she comes back.

Patience is a virtue.
but what the heck.

I'm better off loving the stars.

muttered @ 12:37 AM.

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